that moment

that moment 
1992

sitting alone on the deck
massaging our wolfhound—
my long-sought-after buddy, 
his rich wiry fur,
eyebrow tufts and beard
150 pounds stretched
out on the planks
my vet-tech hands, 
soothe and pleasure 
as they listen, attend

I run my hand down 
his back legs, warmed 
in late-summer sun
stop at his hock
what is that? a lump?
my heart skips a beat
then thunders
breath flees
I finger the knot
attached to the bone
growing out of the bone
osteosarcoma