Not the Way I want It

Not the Way I Want It 

At 6:30 a.m. I down
my pills with food   sit
then wait
they do kick in
eventually
over an hour
I draw or read

Then with a cane 
I can walk
slowly, with care
shower, dress
choose my favorite
necklace

Medication every
six hours alters
my mind
lines for poems
slower, different,
paints untouched
too bright
for the way I feel

Beneath,
stubborn gratefulness
and grit
Not the way I want it
yet the way it is
for now